Most if not all of my female friends own thongs. I do not. I think that thongs are a waste of money. I don’t see how they could be anything but. Why would I buy a wedgie? Everyone’s so concerned about people seeing their panty lines. Why? It’s generally assumed that you wear panties when you wear pants or jeans. So why should people be offended by the sight of panty lines, which indicate that you’re wearing panties, when you’re wearing a dress? What’s the difference? I don’t get it.
More importantly, I don’t care. I wear panties. If you’ve got a problem with that then you can kick rocks. I’m not changing for you. I’m not ashamed of my panty lines. You can look all you want. My panties will be perfectly perched atop my big round ass and clearly visible through this dress that Imma rock the fuck out.
Lesson #13: Some things don't get better; you get used to them.
Mom’s been in the hospital since Sunday and she called me concerned last night. They think she had a seizure yesterday and she thinks she’s going to die soon. I feel similarly to be honest, although I don’t know when. She’s definitely getting worse. And she’s got an infection now. Her white blood cell count is down, which is good for someone in mom’s condition. But you can never really tell with someone as sick as she is. Anything could happen any time.
Last night I got really overwhelmed trying to figure out if I should go home and take the girls with me or if we should all stay here. I think I made the right decision not to leave last night, but I may need to go in the coming days. It makes me so anxious not knowing what to do. And no one has a clear answer. No one can really help. They can only offer their opinion. Which I appreciate, but it’s also frustrating. I wish someone would just tell me what to do, but they can’t. My goal today is to get my work done early so I can focus on finding out whether or not I need to leave soon.
Being an adult is hard. And I’ve learned through this whole process that it doesn’t really get easier. My mom has been sick for years. And she’s gotten noticeably worse in the last few. And even with that, it’s difficult to see her struggle or to make these easier. I’ve nearly grown accustomed to the stress, I’m so used to it now, but it’s still not any easier. And I feel like I have to make all these decisions by myself. Ugh… I hate this. I hate it so very much.
Lesson #12: Work Environment Makes All the Difference
After having worked in a place where I wasn’t really appreciated and changing to a place that’s completely different, I’ve really come to appreciate the value of a positive work environment. I’m certain that here at the new job things will get so hectic at some point, that I want to pull my hair out. But that’s ok with me. I’m comfortable enough (ALREADY!!!) with the people I work with that I feel like we’ll be able to take on that work as a team. I already feel like I’m a part of the team. Who knew. Whole new world.
It helps that I’m learning really quickly. The woman who’s training me says that in 20 years she’s never seen anyone pick this up as quickly as I have. I can’t help but feel a lil proud of myself. Although I don’t feel like I’m doing anything spectacular. I’m still SUPER slow, lol. And someone is still checking my work (this is day four with the software I’m learning). But I do understand pretty well, I can say that.
I cannot do anything but thank God for putting me here. He really knows what’s best for me. Life is still a learning process for me but this experience is making it that much easier for me to trust him. I know now that I need Him more and more every day. Still not so great at acknowledging him, but I know that I’m not amazing on my own. No one is, I don’t think. One day I’ll have it all together.
In the meantime I’m going to pray that my work environment continues to be largely positive. I need that now. It’s so awesome…
So I’ve been looking for productive things for the lil sis and cousin to do since they’ve been here. I understand that most teenagers sit at home on facebook and eating during the summer, but I cannot be ok with leaving them in the house to do that for the whole time they’re here. It’s not fair to them and it’s not good for them either. Yesterday was a freebie, but not today! Lazy is not on today’s menu.
I gave the girls the option of going to the museum with someone from church or to my old job to help paint. They chose to paint. A good selection, I think. Now my job is about a 4 minute ride from the house, but they can’t drive so the option was to walk or ride the bus. I told them it’s about a 20 minute walk (probably closer to 30 looking at the map) or ride the bus. They of course chose to ride the bus even though they’d be on it’s about a 35 minute trip including waiting time and they’d be on the bus for less the 5 minutes of the trip. *Shrugs* Go figure. So I’m in contact with lil sis the whole way making sure they’re going in the right direction and are aware of what stops they’ll need to know, etc. About the last (I’m assuming 5 minutes) of the journey I lose contact with them. No response to texts, not answering my phonecalls and of course immediately, I begin to worry. I’m like OMG what’s going on! Why would they not respond. My heart drops for half a second and I think something may have happened to them. But then I thought to call my old job and see if they’d arrived. They had. Thank God.
It’s so funny to me how quick I was to worry that something had happened to them. They’ve ridden the bus together a much greater distance than what they did today. What was I thinking? I guess this is what parents feel like a lot of the time. Do I want kids?? lol
My little sister and younger cousin are here visiting me this month and it’s been good having them around. They’re great girls and I’ve really appreciated their help and their company.
Last night we stayed up until just after 1am playing Dance Central on xbox Kinect. We beat the game. For whatever reason we were decided after having beaten three “dance crews” in the dance battles, that we wanted to also beat the remaining crews in order to unlock the elusive “Glitterati Crew” and thus gain access to more characters to play. That means we had to dance to around 20+ songs. That was a lot, lol. But there were three of us so we rotated. So once we did that, we were taken to some type of lighting round dance off where we had to get 4 stars on some four more songs. At the end of the night we beat the game, lol. The girls are fun.
They’ve done well keeping the house clean as well. They can almost take care of themselves. They help with the chores, I’ve been having them budget the money they have to spend between them, and they’re learned to successfully navigate the bus (only one line, but still!). They’ve still got some growing to do, but they’ve done well since they’ve been here. They’ll be doing some volunteer work next week which will be good for them. Trying to keep them busy while I’m at work. I was a little stressed about them being here at first, but I’m good with it now. I think I’ll miss them when they’re gone.